A mum sent me a voice message on Whatsapp the other day asking me about tips for her son who is about to start Secondary School. With her permission here is my response.
Please share if you found value, please excuse any grammatical errors, I wasn't trying to be perfect.
-----------
Blessings sis,
Thanks for your Whatsapp message, it was received whilst drinking a glass of soursop, seamoss and pineapple juice. Can you believe that I paid £18 for soursop?
Sorry for late reply also, you know how it gets, if I ever take long dont take it personally, it just means I have not read the message, feel free to call. No issues there!
I was going to reply via voicenote but nah! This email was necessary.
Sooooooo!
You recently asked me for some tips to help prepare your son for secondary school, and I thought long and hard about how best to respond. This transition is a significant milestone, not only for him but for you as well, I WAnted to give it time and attention I hope you did not mind, but I modified your question to allow me to go deeper.
I felt that manhood was the underlying purpose here. If you get these points and able to implement it, school will not be an issue, I promise.
We are now in September, I know you are excited to watch your young son embark on this important journey, Year 6, BIG BOY SCHOOL!!! This transition reflects traditions in many Indigenous cultures, where boys leave the safety of their homes and mummies at around 11 - 12 years old to begin their rites of passage into manhood, I am sure you have heard me mention this. However, as highlighted in the book Gifted at Primary, Failing at Secondary School, written by brother Neil Mayers (Google it), navigating Secondary School can be challenging, particularly for young boys who may not be equipped with the necessary tools for this critical rite of passage.
Walk with me sis.
MANHOOD IS ABOUT THE MIND, BEING A MALE IS ABOUT THE BODY.
MALE = Biology
MAN = MIND/Behaviour
A boy's character is shaped over time through the lessons he learns, the challenges he faces, and the support he receives from family and community. At its core, true masculinity—often referred to as the Divine Masculine —represents a balance of strength, gentleness, patience, loyalty, and responsibility. I speak about this in my book From Boyhood to Manhood - get it here if you dont have it www.makaylahwilliams.com - I want to keep this response succinct.
As your son prepares to enter this new chapter, the best I can do right here and now is offer you 20 + 3 practical tips that may help him navigate the complexities of secondary school while also instilling core values and addressing social trends.
Discuss how these values should guide his actions and decisions.
1) Enrol your child onto programmes like ours to reinforce this and to test it.
2) Able to connect - Teach him the importance of greeting people, making eye contact, and engaging in small talk. These skills will help him navigate social situations with confidence.
3) Stay True to Himself - Encourage your son to be authentic and not to succumb to peer pressure when it comes to social trends, like dressing a certain way to fit in. Emphasise the importance of self-expression and individuality. If he comes home wearing a bally or one glove RUNNN! Joking, watch out for changes in behaviour and challenge everyone.
4) Develop Relationship Skills - Help him understand how to show interest in others, whether it’s making friends or navigating romantic relationships. Discuss the importance of respect and communication.
5) Visualise His Future Self - Encourage him to take a moment each day to visualise the kind of man he wants to become. Ask him to picture himself as a confident, compassionate, and capable individual, navigating challenges with focus and integrity. This mental image can serve as a powerful motivator, reminding him of his potential and the qualities he aspires to embody. Reinforce that he has the strength and resilience within him to overcome obstacles and become the best version of himself. This should be done daily
6) Help Him Find His Truth - Encourage him to explore and understand his own values and aspirations. Rather than imposing your vision, support him in discovering what truly matters to him and what kind of man he wants to be. Encourage self-reflection and personal exploration so he can form a clear, authentic vision of his future. This self-awareness will empower him to navigate his path with confidence and integrity, rooted in his own truth. Let him live his life, not yours.
7) Household Chores - Encourage him to take responsibility for his space by learning to do washing, clean his room, and help with meals. You must allow him to be independent, the days of him living in your armpit are over.
8) Honour Your Word - Teach him the importance of reliability and keeping promises. Trustworthiness is a key component of strong relationships.
9) Manage Social Media Usage - Teach him that his phone is not just a device but a powerful tool that can significantly impact his life. Encourage him to use it wisely and responsibly, highlighting that, if mismanaged, it can easily take over his time and attention. Help him establish boundaries for screen time and engage in discussions about the importance of focusing on real-life relationships and experiences. Encourage him to be mindful of what he consumes online and to curate his social media feeds to reflect positivity and growth.
10) Use the Ask Me Interactive Card Game to Connect - Encourage him to engage with family members using the Ask Me interactive card game. This game is a fun and effective way to spark meaningful conversations and strengthen connections. Highlight the importance of these interactions, family connection is everything - Get your deck here www.askmethegame.com
11) Demonstrate Emotional Maturity and Openness - Encourage him to express his feelings and thoughts openly and honestly without judgement. Teach him the value of emotional maturity by modelling how to handle difficult emotions with grace and resilience. Encourage him to listen to others without judgment and to be open to different perspectives. The demonstration of vulnerability and empathy helps create a safe space for meaningful conversations and authentic relationships.
12) Engage with the Community - Encourage him to actively participate in community events, volunteer opportunities, or local clubs and organisations. Engaging with his community allows him to develop a sense of belonging and responsibility, while also developing important connections with others. Whether it’s through sports, MAG, or cultural activities, participating in community life can help him build friendships, develop new skills, and gain a deeper understanding of the world around him - My website is www.manhoodacademyglobal.com if you have not had a look. Engage and connect
13) Demonstrate Passion and Create Meaningful Movements - Encourage him to explore his
interests and passions, and to express them in ways that inspire others. Help him identify causes or issues he cares deeply about, like young authors or homelessness, or the amount of chicken shops in the area, and support him in creating movements, projects and businesses—whether through art, or community projects, inventions—that reflect his values.
14) Understand Canon Events - Talk to him about the concept of "canon events," which refers to key moments or experiences in life that shape his identity and path. Refer to Mile Morales 2. Encourage him to reflect on significant experiences—both positive and negative—that have influenced who he is today. Help him recognise that while he cannot control all events, he can choose how to respond and grow from them. By understanding these key moments, he can gain insight into his values, aspirations, and the man he wants to become. Encourage him to embrace these experiences as integral parts of his personal story, shaping his character and resilience. You too much recognise this for yourself. Everything that I have mentioned must also apply to you. You too Mamacita must upgrade!
15) Create a Network of Parents - it’s essential that you establish a supportive network. By developing relationships with other parents, you can share experiences, resources, and create opportunities for collaborative activities. Organising group outings, study sessions etc not only enriches his social life but also builds a strong support system that promotes growth and shared learning among families. Stop isolating yourself - you all are going through the same stuff. There is no shame in that.
16) Teach Him About the Game of Life - Introduce him to the concept of life as a game that involves navigating different levels, challenges, and opportunities for growth. Explain that just like in a video game, there are bosses (challenges or obstacles) he must understand and overcome to progress. Explain that a horrible teacher is simply a boss that he must overcome with grace and skill. Explain the importance of completing levels (achieving goals or milestones) and recognising the power-ups (skills, knowledge, and support) that can help him along the way. Discuss the rules of the game, such as treating others with respect, maintaining integrity, and being resilient in the face of setbacks. By viewing life this way, he can approach challenges with a positive mindset and a strategic attitude, ready to tackle whatever comes his way. Remind him of this number 1 rule - Know the rules, understand the mission and play to win. Does he understand his mission?
17) Knowledge is power - Encourage Connection with His Identity: Empower him to actively explore and connect with his identity, focusing on the power hidden within books and research. Encourage him to learn about his cultural heritage, family traditions, and personal interests. This exploration can include reading books, attending events, or participating in community activities that resonate with his background. Help him understand that embracing his identity not only builds confidence but also equips him with the tools to navigate the world with a sense of purpose and belonging.
18) Learn to Master Time Management - Teach him the value of time management as a crucial skill for success. Encourage him to create a schedule that balances schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and personal interests. Help him prioritise tasks, set realistic goals, and allocate specific time blocks for studying, fun etc. Help him understand his own personal timeline, what happened when and what will happen in the future.
19) Encourage Him to Find His Tribe - Help him identify and connect with like-minded individuals who share similar interests, values, and aspirations. #SenseofBelonging
20) Talk about the Matrix - Introduce him to the idea of "the matrix" as a metaphor for being controlled to a system that feeds off you. Encourage him to critically examine the world around him and recognise how external factors, such as media, Tik Tok, peer pressure and trends like wearing Ballys, wearing 4 tracksuit bottoms, can shape his identity and choices. Help him understand that he has the power to choose his own path and beliefs, rather than passively accepting what is presented to him. This includes telling him the truth.
20+1) Heal Thyself - Emphasise the importance of self-healing in his journey to becoming a well-rounded MAN. Encourage him to reflect on past experiences, emotions, and challenges that may have caused pain or confusion and create space to dive into these. Talking about your feelings should be normal in your home first and foremost.
20+2) Discuss Fatherhood and the Father Deficit - Engage him in a conversation about fatherhood, exploring what it means to be a father and the qualities that make a good dad. Talk about his relationship with his dad and how those experiences shape his understanding of masculinity and responsibility. Acknowledge the father deficit many young boys face today—where fathers may be absent or disengaged—and help him understand that this doesn't define his future. Encourage him to seek positive male role models within the community, such as uncles, teachers, or mentors, who can provide guidance and support.
20+3) Help your son understand women, the concept of the Divine Feminine, Understanding Women and the Divine Feminine - Help him appreciate the unique qualities that women bring to the world, exploring the concept of the Divine Feminine. Explain that this represents traits like nurturing, compassion, intuition, and strength—qualities that are just as important as those traditionally associated with masculinity. Encourage him to respect and value women for who they are and again, not buying into the mainstream narrative that women are objects.
Discuss the importance of self-control in interactions with women, emphasising that true strength comes from being able to manage impulses and treat others with kindness and respect. And yes, talk about the bird and the bees, sexual energy and love, lust and creation.
---------
As a parent, your role is crucial in supporting your son in becoming a healthy, well-balanced man. It truly does take a village, and our collective efforts can make a lasting impact.
This is just my opinion. You know I have a lot to say already, I bet you regret asking now - lol
I know you work really hard and sometimes you might overlook something, that is ok. Remember, generally speaking, creating a safe space for your son to grow and thrive is vital. Think of him as a young plant; he needs consistent watering and sunlight to flourish. As the parent, it’s your responsibility to ensure that he receives the essential, non-negotiable needs for his development—love, support, guidance, and understanding. Just as you nurture the seeds in your garden, make sure to cultivate an environment where he feels secure and valued. Remove all weeds and keep those damn crows out of your garden.
Remember, you are on this journey together. It’s equally important for you to look after yourselves, both physically and emotionally. When you prioritise your own well-being, you model the self-care and resilience that he will need to embrace as he navigates his path into manhood. Together, you can create a thriving ecosystem where both of you can grow, heal, and flourish.
I hope that these points help - info@manhoodacademy.co.uk
Instagram - @TheGiftofManhood
Web - www.ManhoodAcademyGlobal.com